Not every place in Disney is meant for kids and no, I don’t mean Pleasure Island. I mean Epcot Center. Seriously, if your kids are under the age of 50 then Epcot is probably going to bore the living crap out of them! Every other park is geared to entertain children with images of castles, cool rides, characters and even exotic animals whereas Epcot is there to teach them about different cultures. Now they try really hard by adding things like princess breakfasts and a few interesting exhibits but they seriously fall shot in giving children (who scientifically have short attention spans) something to grab on to in order to keep their attention.

Now I’ll be honest here by saying that we walked through more counties than we actually visited and for some reason most of our time was spent in Canada which is seriously not much different than the United States. However, we did see a large amount of China and ate breakfast in Norway but it was really just a bunch of shops and buildings. No real culture educating exhibits!

It seemed to me that our only real reason to go to Epcot ended up being to eat dinner at the great Le Cellier Steakhouse which in my opinion was overly crowded, had poor food and had the most annoying waiter that I had the misfortune of dealing with at Disney. It wasn’t his entire fault as the target audience for this restaurant was not children and my son Dante had reached his melting point after a day of walking through uninteresting countries and sitting on a bench for over an hour waiting for our reservation time. The waiter tried to help calm him down but ultimately Lisa got fed up and took Dante back to the resort before getting to eat her dinner. I felt bad for her because I knew she was really looking forward to eating there and I offered to take Dante back to the resort but I think she sensed I had reached my limit too.

Once she left the waiter never really came around until it was time to give us the check. He didn’t even deliver our food to us. It was brought by someone else. He was on the floor serving his other tables, just not us! When it came to the food I was equally unimpressed. My steak was dry and rather small in size. I don’t know if it was just because the day was so frustrating or if it really was that bad of a place to eat but my memory of Le Cellier Steakhouse is not a fond one.

I know Lisa wants to go back to Epcot Center but it’s not really on my list of must see places anymore so I hope that it’s a quick in and out visit, if we visit at all.

I grew up in Northern Ohio so it’s needless to say that I’ve been to Cedar Point which happens to be the best amusement park in the country. I’ve had the fortune to ride on the last cart on the Millennium Force at 103 miles per hour. With that being said, I wasn’t too worried about any roller coasters that Disney could throw at me. That was, until Lisa started talking about Expedition Everest. It isn’t super fast and the drops aren’t really that steep and it isn’t even a water ride. The part that made me uneasy about the rise is the fact that it goes backwards down a hill while you are inside the mountain. Going backwards is something I’m not super keen on so I figured I would just opt out of it. I’m getting a bit older and my body doesn’t react to roller coasters like it used to. In other words, my stomach has become a bit wimpy over the last few years.

Well, I didn’t get to opt out of it as I was the only person that Lisa had to go on the ride with. So, we stood in line for about an hour waiting to get on. The good thing about the wait is the Yeti museum that you get to walk through and the fans that they had to keep people cool. That was pretty cool (pun intended.) The ride itself wasn’t too bad; in fact it was pretty docile for the most part. That was, until we started to scale a very large incline inside of the mountain. It takes you up at a medium speed for about 20 seconds or so giving you the feeling that you are really going high. Then, things abruptly stop and the Yeti comes out and tears up the tracks (optical illusion.) At that point you know you have to go backwards. At this point I’m the unhappiest person in Disney and I want off the ride because I didn’t want to go back down the hill we just came up going backwards.

Well, Walt has a poor sense of humor because you only drop backwards for a second until the cart diverts to a different track and the remainder of that part of the ride is backwards but on a flat surface. The whole thing was a trick. I wondered why Disney was so big on leaking that the ride drops you backwards. Not funny WALT!

It wasn't 10 minutes after I wrote about Lisa starting up the marriage talk and I got an instant message talking about a website that sells really cool titanium rings. It was almost like she read the blog post and decided to push the envelope! So, I sent her a link for an Elvis wedding. I told her that I've always wanted an Elvis wedding and that would likely be the only way I'd ever get married.

She subsaquently denied my request (as she has several times before.) It's become a bit of a ritual around here. She says Disney and I say Vegas. Maybe we could settle on getting married by Mickey Mouse with Side burns? Actually, I would not be caught dead being married in an Elvis wedding...now an Ozzy wedding maybe!

Getting connected to the outside world in Disney can be an expensive task. When we went the first time I thought that Wi-Fi access was free from the resort but when I plugged in my laptop so Lisa could get a little bit of work completed I had a heck of a time trying to get everything working. I even called PC support to see why she couldn't log onto the Internet. It turns out that Disney's Wi-Fi is not a free service and we were being redirected to the Disney Wi-Fi registration page so we could sign up to pay for the service.

I was a bit upset about this. I fully expected that paying as much as people do for a room they could at least have open Wi-Fi access to the Internet. For example, we are going for 7 day's and at $9.95 for 24 hours that comes out to $69.95 plus tax for a week of Wi-Fi. It may seem trivial but there are times people need to check in with the office or they want to look up information about a park so in my eyes, this was a Disney fail!

I've learned a lesson and will just set my blackberry up to work as a modem. It's slower but it won't cost me $70.00 to use!



PC support

Well, after perusing my blog Lisa put her foot down about my little under handed scheme to pollute the wonderful world of Disney with my custom made tee shirts from places like tee shirt hell and Zazzle but I was able to secure a small win by being able to maintain my usual camo shorts and mixed martial arts clothing.

I'm your standard hardcore music addict and yes, when I go out in public I can scare a few people. I'm a bit covered in tattoos and go around 240lbs so when I go out to a place like Disney I stand out a bit. I think I should fit in with my camos and my Chuck Liddell shirt! It's interesting that there is a bond between the "stand out" dads that end up in Disney. It is usually just a nonverbal communication that consists of eye contact and a head nod that signifies an understanding that neither one would ever be there if it wasn't for their children.

Oh, and that picture isn't me, it's the singer from a band called Throwdown, although I'm just as menacing!I just thought I'd give you an idea of who to look for in Disney if you get the chance to people watch and you want to see some of "those dads."

There has been one consistent statement that I hear regularly from Lisa when she talks about going to Disney, "That would be a great place to propose or to get married." For reasons that I'll keep my own, Lisa and I have never tied the big knot but we've been together for a very long time and as age creeps up on us she's gotten the "marriage" bug. I think she would love to get married at Disney and they even have a place to set up year-round to do so.

So I keep getting hints like the occasional instant message with mens wedding bands or the sly statements about how a friend of hers was proposed to at the Magical Kingdom while the fireworks were going off. It's funny because I got the same kinds of things the first time we went and as soon as we decided to go back I got an instant message about how cool it would be to get married in Disney. I could have bet money on seeing the marriage conversations start up again!

Well, the jury is still out on us ever getting married (much to the chagrin of both of our families especially my mother) but I really think Disney would be a pretty cool place to do it if we were to decide to get married.... ;)

So how do you drop one person off the departure list? Well, it’s simple, one of them gets congestive heart failure and they check into a Hospital! Needless to say having an 80 something great grandmother suddenly have trouble breathing with several days left tends to lower the fun-o-meter in a serious way. This is especially true when that person had been in excellent health before that. The kids were okay. They are young so they didn’t understand how severe the issue was but Lisa and her mother were quite upset about the whole situation: as they should have been.

Still, at that point in the trip I think everyone was a bit tired and we still had to make the most out of what we had left of the trip so we tried to continue with the trip. Lisa’s mom stayed at the hospital with her grandma and we tried to do as much as possible but it really seemed like everyone was just going through the motions. I think we managed to keep things okay for the kids but obviously all of the adults were on edge at that point. It really seemed fitting that one of us would go down given the complete chaos the trip was.

I think that incident is one of the reasons we’ve decided to take less people this time. It’s not that we think we are invincible (I’m a walking heart attack waiting to happen) but with less people there is less of a likelihood that someone will go down for the count. It may seem a bit crass but I’ve never been known for sensitivity. I really like Lisa’s grandma but I’d like to avoid any further trips to Florida hospitals.

Now in the interesting of disclosure, we did not leave great grandma alone in Florida. Lisa’s uncle flew down to be with his mother and to assist her on the flight back. We thought that a two day drive would not be in her best interest so when she was released from the hospital she was able to take a flight back. Everything ended up fine and she has since recovered from the incident (as much as you can recover from it) and she seems like her old self again. The fact that she is okay makes it a little easier for us to make light of the situation now that it’s passed.

One of the joys of going to Disney is picking up gifts for everyone. People seem to like getting overly inflated gifts that rarely ever get worn. On our first trip we picked up several shirts for the kids and adults but the clothes we bought for Wyatt (our youngest son) didn't fit him and let me tell you; clothes at Disney are not cheap at all. A shirt for a baby was about $25.00 and after buying for everyone (including the pet watchers left at home) we were a couple of hundred in the hole for shirts that would cost 70% less at home.

Obviously I'm not a life long fan of Disney and my tee-shirt attire is not quite on par with Disney etiquette so I was quick to pick up a few shirts of the ol' mouse when I got to the resort. We need to get some clothes for the kids for summer because they grow like weeds but this year the baby clothes and not to mention daddy's clothes are not coming from the Disney gift shops.

I'm sure once we get there I'll be overruled and we'll be spending time in the gift shops again!

I can pick out several things about Disney that could be improved which would have an immediate impact on customer satisfaction. From the point of view of a child I can see how Disney is the biggest wonderland in the world. The castle the characters and the imagination involved is better than anything else out there but as an adult there is one major thing that bothered the living hell out of me. The Cattle Chute Syndrome that has been designed to filter the most people through a food line in the shortest amount of time.

Now I understand that the idea is beneficial to the customer and in theory it sounds nice. I get in and get out quickly with no mess. Well, in reality the practice is mindblogginly frustrating to say the least. I’m actually surprised more fights don’t break out because the looks on people’s faces showed me that I wasn’t the only one who felt like a cow going to slaughter.

In general, you have to find a place to sit first or else you have to get everyone into the line and risk not having a table when you get your food. Luckily in this regard we had several adults to watch the kids but even then, it took 10 minutes to find a place to sit. Once your seating is secured a couple people can go to get food while leaving at least one behind to guard the table and your belongings. Once you get into line you are there with hundreds of people trying to do the same thing and in most cases the lines are extremely cramped and not efficient for evacuation in the event of a fire.

Once you get to the front you place your order and I don’t care what they say; in most cases, the food tastes about as good as you used to get in School but at the price of a 4 star restaurant. After that you rummage around the building for condiments, napkins and straws. If you can find them then you are lucky because usually you are trying to carry several trays through a sea of people that are trying to get by you and they generally don’t care if your food hits the floor!

After that, you change places with the adults at the table so they can go up and get their food. When they get back with their food usually the kids and adults are done eating and they get to eat awkwardly while the kids get antsy and want to leave. All in all, the experience usually takes over an hour and is absolutely a longer process than having reservations at a real place. From my recollection the worst Cattle Chute Syndrome was the Pinocchio Village Haus located in Fantasy Land at the Magic Kingdom.

Now, I really don’t know how they could resolve this issue but seriously they could try to minimize the feeling that we will become the beef on the pizza and instill more of the feeling that we will actually be able to enjoy the beef on the pizza.

It may be obvious that I tend to look at my last Disney trip in a somewhat “negative” light but that’s not really the case. In fact, the previous trip has been a point of contention at times between Lisa and me due to my recollection of events. Obviously I have not covered 1/10th of what happened on that trip but I think it’s important for me to point out some of the highlights that really had a lasting impact on me.

My oldest son Dante who was a little over two at the time is a giant Buzz Lightyear fan couldn’t quit talking about meeting the big guy. On the day we visited tomorrow land tensions were already a bit high due to previous events and it was past nap time so the kids were a bit on edge too. We were expecting to see Mr. Lightyear roaming around tomorrow land but unfortunately, we never did see him. So, the next best thing was the Buzz Lightyear ride.

While standing in line Dante decided he did NOT want to see Buzz and threw a fit until Lisa and he went back outside. So, I took a trip through space with Olivia (Lisa’s 5 year old daughter) and the trip was a blast. It’s basically a giant arcade game where both riders try to kill the enemy Zurg. It was the first time during the trip that Olivia and I got to hang out together just the two of us and we had a blast shooting up aliens!

When we got off the ride Dante had decided that he was ready to meet Buzz so back in line we went. Now, the line to get into the ride was about 45 minutes and in that time he changed his mind about 50 times regarding meeting Buzz. That lasted until we got close enough to see the animatronic life sized Buzz Lightyear at the front of the line. Actually, even as an adult it was awesome to see. The body was plastic and didn’t move but his face looked real and he talked about going into battle against the forces of evil even though I like Zurg better than I like Buzz

The ride itself, well…Dante seemed a little scared but he was able to score a good amount of points on his first trip into space. After the ride we got a new Buzz Lightyear toy and talked about how awesome it was to meet Buzz. It was really cool to me that this was an experience that he got to share with his dad and I look forward to going to the right park so he can meet the real Buzz Lightyear. Oh, and I’m also looking forward to getting back into space to kick some evil butt even though I like Zurg better than Buzz…

This is how quickly things change around my house.

Conversation:
Me: “Lisa, we should take my mom to Disney. (ha ha)”
Lisa: “Do you really want to take your mom? I thought you just wanted it to be the immediate family.”
Me: “Well we are taking three kids so having three adults would be nice, and she wasn’t an issue on the first trip”
Lisa: “I’ll call Travis” (Travis is the Antichrist…err, I mean travel agent)
Travis: Sure Lisa, I’d be HAPPY to help you out with setting up a flight for your mom. She’ll only cost you about an extra grand!” (Evil devil grin)

Next thing I know our $4,000 trip became a $5,000 trip and my mother is getting airline information but hey, we have additional childcare to help in the parks and she did a great job of helping on the first trip. I also don’t mind because she doesn’t get to see the kids very often since we live in different states and I like being able to do things to nice for my mom.

So, unless things get way out of hand our trip will now consist of three adults and three kids. Still, not too bad!

On my family’s first trip to Disney we took eight people and stayed in two different rooms. Seven of us drove from Eastern PA to Florida in a rented 12 passenger van while the other one (my mother) flew from Ohio. The trip down was eventful with a couple of puke sessions from the kids, a wreck on the highway (not our own) and we were chased by a tornado as we left our overnight stay in Poole, Ga. The trip down should have been a warning but it was clearly overlooked when we rolled into the gates of the Polynesian Resort. The two day’s proceeding that were quickly forgotten.

The trip back home was equally eventful because we were less two people (I’ll go into that story later) so we were short baby sitters to watch the three kids on the two day journey back home. This led to very grumpy under stimulated children which led to a severely grumpy driver (yours truly.) We stayed in Fayetteville NC…scratch that: we stayed in a very bad part of Fayetteville and I got zero sleep because I was waiting to be robbed and murdered. I don’t think anyone got much sleep that night. The room was not very nice and at that point, everyone just wanted to be home.

So, this time we’ve decided to limit the amount of people to just five; me, Lisa and our three kids. I wanted to take Angus (our family dog) but I was vetoed. Keeping the amount of people limited will help to keep down confusion and stress. Also, we will be flying! This will be my second flight and the first for all of our kids. That I’m sure will be a story all its own! All in all, the air fair is less than it would cost to drive when you add up meals, gas, rental and hotels and its four less days that I need to take off of work. Although I’d appreciate the extra time off, I would not appreciate how I would have to spend it. So, flying it will be. Interestingly enough we are able to secure direct flights from the Philadelphia airport so we won’t have to worry about getting three kids off a plane and onto another one.

Yes, I’m a dude and I’m about to make my second trip to Disney World in less than one year. Now, I’m not a dude that has ever had the desire to go to Disney nor am I a dude that would have set up a second trip to Disney in such a short time frame especially given my first experience in the land of magical kingdoms!

However, my significant other and the mother of my two boys happens to be a life long fan of Disney and successfully pulled off a massive trip earlier this year that involved three kids under the age of five, two grandmas, one great grandma and two adults. After a couple 24 hour drives, a ton of money for food, a hundred or so kid melt downs, a few missing princesses, one scary Buzz Lightyear experience and a great grandma suffering from congestive heart failure during the trip the significant other felt she needed a do over with a few less people.

When the first trip was announced I pretty much kept quiet and kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself but when I was politely informed that I would be shelling out another $4000.00 to spend a fun filled week at the Polynesian Resort I decided that I needed to chronicle my experiences on this blog to combat my better half’s recorded version of the events so in the future, I can refer back to this blog to remind her of what really happened on trip number two because obviously she doesn’t have any recollection of the first trip.

So the tickets have been purchased and the dates set in stone (April 29th to May 6th) so for now I’ll be updating regularly about how fun the process of planning a vacation as well as reliving memories of the first trip that we took just to keep the exciting memories and anticipation of the next trip fresh in my mind!

So hang out with me! I’m sure you’ll hear an interesting take on the greatest family vacation spot from a Dude who tells it how it is. Guys, if you want the “real” Disney stick around and ladies, if you really want to know what your husband thinks about taking your whole family to Disney, stick around! I’m sure you’ll learn a lot!